Eddy - The Mayor of Montauk Manor

By Beverly Maher

I had just closed my chicken and rib restaurant. I am not a person who enjoys sitting idly. I found an ad in the paper to be your own boss and sell a product that was advertised to be the best product for your skin. The company was Newskin. I liked the idea that I may be able to work from home. I contacted the promoter, he invited my partner Bob, and I to come to his home, meet his wife, and see what the company could offer me to promote the product. They were in West Babylon, not far from my own family. When we pulled up to the house, there was a farm stand just to the left of the house. It was dark, so we were not able to see much. They were a nice couple. Joe was younger than Joanne was. He was promoting Newskin she was supporting his venture. In our conversation, Bob and I learned the farm stand was a mutual venture. We were also informed; Joanne owned and operated five adult homes on Long Island as well. Ambitious and interesting people. I liked the product. I told them I would try it and signed up. I had been doing it for a few weeks when I mentioned I was looking for part time work to supplement my income between sales. Joe mentioned his wife was looking for an administrator for one her homes in Lindenhurst. I called Joanne and she told me to come down the next day to find out the details. We walked around the huge house and she told me what she expected of an administrator. I met the residents they seemed gentle enough. They greeted me with smiles. The cloud of smoke that greeted me was surprising. The main door, which was actually the back door, enters into the smoking room. They had coffee cups and there was not much conversation going on. Most of them looked disheveled, whiskers on their chins. Some could use a shower. Joanne explained how the state regulated the home and everything had to be to the state's standards. The state regularly visited the home to ensure the safety of the residents. The house had a capacity for 29 beds, meaning 29 residents could occupy the home at one time. Joanne had 24 filled and it was very important to fill the rest. That would be the administrator's responsibility. I met the cook, who doubled as the aide, and I met the housekeeper. It was a good feel. I wanted to take on the challenge and asked Joanne when I could start. I had not mentioned to Jim or Joanne that I was leaving Bob. I was considering living in Suffolk County to be near my family already. I was waiting for the School year to be finished for Lauren, my special needs daughter. I started the next Monday. The last state visit was posted on the wall and I took it to my desk. There were 80 violations on it. I knew that would be my priority, both to learn the violations and to fix the violations. I left the door open to be able to listen to goings on outside my door. The smoking room was right outside the door. While I was reading, I heard a faint knock at my door. A man's head peaked in and asked if I had a minute. Sure, come on in. "I'm Eddy." He stated. "I'm Beverly, come in and have a seat, I replied." Eddy went on to tell me how he became a resident of Montauk Manor. His substantive demeanor was impressive. I certainly was curious as to why he was here. He was a man of about 60. Too young to be one of the elderly residents. Montauk Manor was diversely mixed with elderly residents, some Vets that were elderly, but most of the residents were mentally ill. Eddy told his story.

"I was married for 25 years. I got depressed a lot. I kept losing jobs. One day I broke down and did not want to do anything. They put me in a hospital and put me on Lithium. It started to get better, but my wife did not want me back. We had a daughter. She is such a good daughter! She lives in the neighborhood!" His voice had a pitch, one you would hear if someone was from the city. "I go to her house and I get to see my grandkids, we have dinner together, it's great!" "That is nice Eddy." He was clean, he was shaved, his matching outfit seemed out of place at Montauk Manor. I found out the residents called him the mayor. I could understand why.

For the next couple of months I was very busy. I found a book for case management and found out that I would have to write about all the residents and keep up to date any and all issues corresponding to them. I would take some time out of my day to leave the office and talk to the residents. I informed Joe and Joanne that I lost interest in selling Newskin. I was excited about the new venture. Rob was 25 years old. A handsome young man. He was clean and never had to be reminded to take a shower. He wore very nice clothes. As I would learn he would receive a package from Florida, where his parents lived. His mother made sure he had everything he needed to keep up with his appearance. Rob was one of the few residents who did not need to borrow money for cigarettes and coffee right after they received their allowance. That was a common theme. I would see this throughout my adult home experiences with the exception of Merryville. Merryville was an adult home that specialized in Alzheimer's and Parkinson victims. Rob paced; he walked with a tempo. He did not speak. He knew how, he just chose not to. He would answer if spoken to, but only single syllable answers. He would awaken at around 8am, have breakfast and start pacing. He would go to his room walk to the end, turn around and walk to the living room. He would get to the end, turn around, and walk to the smoking room. He would have a cigarette standing and start pacing again. He did this all day long only stopping to eat and nap. His mother would occasionally call to speak to him. He simply answered in one syllable, yes, no. I spoke to his mother on a few occasions before I handed him the phone. She told me the medication he was on now was a miracle med. He used to be uncontrollable, at least now he was calm.

Josephine was a gas. She would walk all over town. All she wanted to do was work and earn money so she could buy coffee and cigarettes. She worked for Joanne. Joanne had a flower stand right next to Montauk Manor. When she needed Josephine at the farm stand next to the house, Josephine would walk the distance and work for the day. She was very small and frail looking. Her work ethics were extraordinary. She had the ability to work long hours even on hot days. Josephine was outgoing, very friendly. My sister came by once with a couple of her daughters and they loved Josephine's banter. She told them how beautiful they were. She shared a few funny stories with everyone. We all chuckled. Josephine was on medication for depression and anxiety. At that time, she was compliant with her medication and she was able to function in her day-to-day life. In private, she would tell me stories of her many mood swings and why her family was not anxious for her to live with them.

We had a few vets in the house. They were sweet, soft spoken and polite. They smoked and drank coffee throughout the day. The aide had to guide them to take showers and change their clothes. She would also shave them when she was not cooking. The housekeeper was good. Montauk Manor was a mansion and she was expected to keep up with all the residents' rooms. I discovered through the violation sheet how important it was to make sure the residents were not doing anything like using extension cords irresponsibly. The cook and I would help Helena, the housekeeper in the afternoons, after lunch. Helena would assist with the lunch. After we changed all the curtains in the living room and had it painted we started tackling the bedrooms. If they needed painting, we had Joanne set up the painter. We would do curtains and drapes, depending on the need. Before we knew it, Montauk Manor was looking like a real home.

That summer I decided to create a garden and grow the vegetables for the residents. Joe came over and roto tilled the grass covered area that would be our garden. I chose the area in the back, outside the smoking room window. I wanted the residents who did not go out to watch the progress of the garden. I worked hard to clean out the grass and get the soil ready. Eddy would be smoking his cigarette and watching me. The vets would be outside watching, smoking, drinking from their dirty Styrofoam cups. Eventually the garden was ready for planting. I planted tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, string beans. I planted anything we could use in the day to day cooking. The garden started to look like a vegetable garden. The plants were growing and we were all able to see nature grow. Eddy was watching me pick the weeds one afternoon and he announced, "We have a real victory garden!" His daughter was picking him up that day and while he was waiting, he said, "I am going to buy you a new pair of sneakers. Those sneakers you are wearing are all worn." I smiled at his thoughtfulness. I always wore white keds in those days. 

A couple of weeks later Helena ran into my office. She told me that Eddy looked sick and to come immediately to his room. After seeing Eddy, I called 911. They rushed him to the hospital. His daughter called and kept us abreast of his progress. He was having thyroid problems because of taking Lithium and would no longer be able to take it. When he returned to Montauk Manor all were very happy to see the mayor home again.

The state came in and inspected our home. I received a few violations and I had fixed all the old violations. One of the violations was that I was not a licensed administrator. I applied for my administrative license. I had all the qualifications except one. I did not have the experience in adult homes. This was my first and only experience. I would need five years to fulfill that goal. I was at Montauk Manor for one and one half years. I counted this towards my license. I had a long way to go.

I worked in a number of adult homes after that. Some hired me to assist with bookkeeping or general assistant to the administrator for helping with correcting violations. One hired me as a coordinator because they would not replace the incompetent administrator they had. Sometimes I worked as an aide, just to get the time in.

Two years after my time at Montauk Manor I was visiting my own daughter in Brunswick Psychiatric Hospital. Lauren had started exhibiting signs of schizophrenia while I was at Montauk Manor. It was difficult to find the right medication to keep her from experiencing the strange world of mental illness. As I walked to the back where the entrance was, I saw a man sitting on the stone bench with the sun beating down on him. He was squinting and I kept staring to see why he looked familiar. As I got closer, a smile started forming on my mouth. He was covering his eyes with his hand to block the sun, but it was unmistakable. As I got closer, I noticed he had at least a week of growth on his face, his clothes were dirty and he looked disheveled. He was wearing a pair of sneakers. They had no shoelaces; they were well worn and dirty. He noticed me. We smiled together, when our eyes met. "Hello Eddy." "Well hello there!" he said with that pitch in his voice. I did not ask why he was here. "Nice sneakers Eddy!" I said. He looked down at the white keds and said, "They're yours, I bought them for you that day I went with my daughter shopping. Do you want them?" "No thank you Eddy, you keep them for me.""Ok" he replied "Take care Eddy." I answered. I walked into the hospital to visit my daughter, my eyes starting to well up. He was gone when I came out. It is a sad world for the mentally ill.

Lauren has a unique personality. She has a way of saying things that make me stop, listen, smile often. Here are just three examples. 

Lauren was on the phone with Kourtney. They were discussing Lauren's jewelry business. Lauren always gets Kourtney to talk about her jewelry business. She has an interesting business acumen. She's a great salesperson.  Lauren is always coming up with ideas for her business, sometimes these ideas don't even pertain to her business or make much sense.  Kourtney is living in US St. John's as an archaeologist.  Lauren says to Kourtney " Kourtney if you could collect shells and send them to me, I can carve them to make jewelry! Don't you think that's a great idea!" I don't know what Kourtney's answer was but after they hung up Lauren came into the living room where I was on the couch. She didn't start talking to me directly at first, it was just a statement in general. "I think this the ticket to my career; Kourtney lives in the tropics!! This is my ticket to a great career don't you think Ma?!" she say's excitedly.

Another time Chyna and I are sitting on the couch,  Lauren is talking to no one in particular again "I'm talented, I'm really talented. I looked at Chyna and she is looking at me seemingly saying " well if you say so." Chyna is our dog, she is an adorable shih tzu.

 Lauren and I were discussing her living with Phillip. I personally do not think it is a good idea. She has more stability at home during the week. She spends the entire weekend with him, they go out to eat, they stay up late, they stay in bed all morning. They have a wonderful time together. I'm not against her freedom, I'm afraid of her forgetting to take her meds and such.  At home she has consistency. Anyway,

I didn't tell her how I felt, instead, i said "we'll see, maybe one day." She seemed to be satisfied with that answer and a few minutes went by and out of the blue she said " If i live with Phillip, I don't want to pay a left hand and foot for my website".  Lauren has a web site, she sells her hand made jewelry on line. I took the statement to mean she didn't want to pay and arm and a  leg. 

Kicked Out Of Friendly's
                          By Kourtney Donohue
                                   

We got a booth in the back of Friendly's Ice Cream restaurant.  The waitress was visibly irritated that she was serving five loud, giggly, pre-teenage girls ice cream sundaes that were bigger than their heads.  As we began to inhale our chocolate fudge smothered sundaes, Kristie, my sister, was reminded of something she recently heard, "Someone told me that chocolate and cocaine come from the same plant."  Lauren, our first cousin, stopped eating her sundae, stared wide eyed across the table at Kristie and demanded to know more, "Kristie am I eating cocaine right now?  Am I Kristie?  I'm eating cocaine?!?!"  Kristie realized what she'd done and began to stutter "uhh well, but it's-- no Lau, it's not the sa--"

Lauren interjected before she could finish, "Kristie tell me the truth, am I eating cocaine?"  Kristie said "No Lau!" but she giggled nervously.  I attempted to answer too, but I also began to giggle nervously.  Lauren continued to panic and she thought we were mocking her because we couldn't stop laughing, "Oh my God I'm on cocaine!  You gave me cocaine!  I'm on cocaaaaaaaaaaine!?!?"  Lauren slammed both hands on the table rocking back and forth screaming at the top of her lungs "OH MY GOD I'M ON COCAINE!!!!!  I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON COCAINE!!!!!"  We tried to stop her, "Lauren no you're not! shhhhhh! You are not on coca--". I couldn't say it with a straight face, I couldn't control the nervous giggle.  People were looking at us.  We were worried the waitress was going to come over.  Lauren wouldn't listen to us.  She wouldn't calm down.  She panicked even more.  She would not stop screaming. She finally stood up from the table and she screamed out to the restaurant that -oh my god, she was on cocaine!  I saw the waitress heading over to us.  We jumped up and shuffled Lauren toward the bathroom, dodging the waitress as she stomped over to address the big scene we made.  Lauren ran ahead of me into the bathroom, slammed the door and locked it before I could slip in with her.  She refused to let us in.  We were all banging on the door, "Lauren please let us in."  "Open the door."  "You are NOT on cocaine."  All we could hear was Lauren wailing from the inside, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE ME COCAINE!!!!  I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON COCAINE!!!!"    

The waitress came up behind us at the bathroom door and demanded to know what was going on.  I said, "Please give me a chance to talk to her.  You don't understand".  But I didn't know how to make her understand Lauren.  Lauren has a lot of fear.  She often overreacts.  Ok I'm exaggerating, she always overreacts.  She interprets things kind of like Amelia Bedilia, the maid from those children's books - she often takes things literally.  One time she read in a Cosmo magazine that dark eyelashes accentuate the eyes, so she plucked out all her blonde eyelashes, even though most of them were blonde!  And she is very in touch with her how she feels, whether it's good or bad feelings.  She is honest about those feelings, which is unlike most people.  Everyone in the family knows this.  That's why when Aunt Janine was getting ready to go to her 20th high school reunion and didn't believe us that she looked great she said, "I want Lauren's opinion".  Lauren said, "You look hot Aunt Janine!".  Aunt Jan persisted, "But does this outfit make me look fat?".  Lauren looked her up and down and said, "No way! Well hold on, turn this way, ok maybe a little bit from this angle but other than that you look fabulous Aunt Janine! You look fabulous!".  We spent the next hour convincing Aunt Jan to go to the reunion.  Everyone trusts Lauren's opinion.  Everyone loves her honesty (most of the time) and her unique enthusiasm for life.  But when she freaks out - she freaks out.  And not too many people understand it.  But who really understands someone else's perspective?  And how can anyone really explain another's perspective?  That is why we share stories, feelings, thoughts...so that we can get a little glimpse into the perspective of others.  But at the time - there was just no explaining Lauren's perspective to the Friendly's waitress.                

The waitress refused to listen to me, "You all need to leave" she ordered.  I pleaded, "No please, you don't understand, she is not on cocaine".  The waitress said, "Well it sure seems like she is!"  It didn't help that Lauren was screaming from behind the locked door that she was indeed, on cocaine.  I told the waitress that we have to calm her down to get her out.  Finally she let us do this and Lauren agreed to open the door a crack, but wouldn't come out.  I whispered to Lauren through the crack of the door, "Lau, the waitress is kicking us out of here.  Please tell her that you're not on cocaine."  Lauren opened the door a little more, looked at the waitress with tears in her eyes and cried, "YES I AAAAAAAMMMM! I'M ON COCAINE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON COCAINE! OH MY GOOOOOOD!" 

"That's it you're all out of here!" the waitress said, she was raising her voice and going to get a manager.  This was our opportunity, we pushed our way into the bathroom and drilled it into Lauren that she was not on cocaine, and eventually, she began to calm down.  We said, "Lauren we all ate the chocolate, we've been eating it our whole lives, we are not on cocaine."  She looked at us with softer eyes, "I'm not on cocaine?  You promise Kourtney?!"  "Yes Lau, you're not on cocaine."  She then howled her iconic loud Lauren laugh "AAAAAghgghhhhhahahaaahahahaha.  I can't believe I thought I was on cocaine!  Aaaahahahaahahahahaahah"  Mouth wide open, head thrown back, out of breath rocking laughter.  That's the Lauren we knew was in there.  Always able to laugh at herself.  Always keeping us laughing.  The waitress still didn't believe us, we tried to get her to let us finish our ice cream but she wasn't having it.  We were kicked out of Friendly's. 

 Outside we sat in the parking lot waiting for one of our parents to pick us up. Lauren
knew she wasn't on cocaine. We were all angry. Not at Lauren or the situation, 
but because the waitress didn't even let us finish our ice cream. Worst of all;
how dare she accuse our cousin of being on cocaine!

2006 The Bungled Rendezvous

Lauren met Phillip at one of the day habilitation programs that are part of a number of varied locations that ACLD has created to take special care of handicapped individuals in the community at large. She came home from her program Bridges and immediately picked up the phone to call me at work.  "Mom, your not going to believe this". "I met a guy!". She pronounced each word carefully "I  Met  a  guy". I was picturing the  giant smile that was on her face, it was in that voice.  "I didn't want to give him our phone number, she gushes! because I remembered what you said about strangers and not giving them my phone number, right?" She is losing her breath at this point. " So I took his phone number, right?" She is rambling . "I told him I can't call him until you come home, right?  When you come home I will call him, right?" "Ok, ok" I said. Hold on just a minute. "Is he part of the program?" "No, he lives in his own apartment". " Then what was he doing there?" "He said, he was there to see his therapist.  Mom he's so cute and he was so nice, can I call him please, please…." "Ok, ok, we'll talk when I get home".

She called him that night and they talked about getting together soon. Meanwhile I had given her some questions I wanted answered when she did talk to him.  So when she got off the phone I asked her to join me at the kitchen table.  "How old is he? " "He's 42". "Lauren, don't you think that is a little old for you? Your only 27?  Is he close with his parents?" I asked. "Yes, they talk all the time".  "What does he do for a living? Is he working?" "yes, he has a job at Applebee's" she answered. "What does he do at Applebee's?" " I don't know, I didn't ask, I forgot, no more questions" she said with a stern warning " I am going out with him, whether you like him or not!"

 The next evening he called and I asked to speak to him.  He was nervous so I didn't press him.  He seemed mild enough the few words we spoke.  Lauren took the phone and went into the bedroom to talk in private.

 The next day I went to work.  At the time I was commuting on the Long Island Railroad to Manhattan. I called Lauren from work as usual and she seemed distraught." What's wrong?" I asked.

"I want to meet Phillip, he's coming to meet me". "Where? You can't meet him now, you need to wait until I'm home" I said excitedly. "He wants to meet now, I'm going to meet him" she shouted. The phone went dead. I called my sister Maryjane and told her what was happening  and she hung up and ran out the door calling one of her daughters, Carol to join her because she may need a hand.  Maryjane lived only 5 minutes away in West Babylon.  When she got to my block she spotted Lauren sneaking around the building. She also spotted a man watching her every move.  She stopped the car and yelled at her to get in the car immediately! Lauren did as she was told. She said Phillip never showed up at the seven eleven as planned. After work, I picked  Lauren up at Maryjane's.  On the way home I reminded her she was never supposed to go to the seven eleven unless I was home.  She said Phillip couldn't find the seven eleven.  He told the cab driver all he knew was a seven eleven. Of course, that's all Lauren knew. She said she told him there was a seven eleven on the corner.  Phillip knew all the cab drivers, because that is how he got to work every day.  He had the cabbie driving to seven elevens all over town, just not the right seven eleven.  Lauren and Phillip were so anxious to see each other they never asked anyone for the proper directions.  That is when I knew they would be good for each other.

 Lauren and Phillip have been an item ever since. They broke up for a brief period in 2010, but that story is for another day.

 

From Angel's to Devil's 1991-1993

We were living in New Hyde Park, a suburb of Long Island when Lauren started exhibiting signs that she may be schizophrenic. She came home from school one day when she was 15 and announced she did not have to look both ways when she crossed the street because the angels where watching over her. When I realized she was serious I took her to see a psychiatrist recommended by the school. He spoke to her for a 1/2 hour or so and diagnosed her with Schizophrenia. He got the diagnosis right but the Melleril  he prescribed really didn't help with the voices she kept hearing.  One psychiatrist after another we went through EEG's and psychotropic meds to see what would work.  When Lauren told one doctor she was seeing the angels he put her on a narcotic because he said he thought she had neurological dysfunction. Lauren had to be hospitalized numerous times for getting out of control. When Lauren was 17 we moved out the house we were living in New Hyde Park. We lived with  Bob and Raymond.  I was leaving Bob and Ray my son was attending Queens college and liked the closeness of the house in New Hyde Park to the campus. Everyone was ok with the living arrangements and since the house I was renting only had two bedrooms it made sense. I bought a sofa bed in the den for Raymond whenever he wanted to stay with us. By the time Lauren was nineteen, the angels were looking like devils to her.  I was one of those devils.  One such weekend, we were with friends when she had a psychotic episode.  One of the friends we were staying with was also an administrator in an adult home as I was. We recognized the glazed over eyes, nonsensical speech and I called 911.  She screamed from the ambulance as they were taking her to Stony brook Hospital in Long Island as she pointed at me  "she is the devil!!'   Lauren's life was spinning out of control. She was afraid. She was angry. The medication surely  was not working. 

Grandma's Funeral

When we received the phone call from Raymond telling us that Grandma Nawrocki had passed away, Lauren took it pretty well, so I started to think about the outfit she will wear to the funeral. The wake was in two days, with only one viewing night. I was unable to attend, so I dropped Lauren and her fiance off for the funeral at Raymond's and I went to work.  Raymond said the plan was to go to a restaurant after the funeral and he would be dropping Lauren and Philip off at Phillip's apartment  so I wouldn't have to worry about  them.  I felt it better for Lauren to just go to the funeral and not the wake the night before  because as she put it "I don't want to look at dead people."

I called Raymond at around 3:00 to see how the day was going. He seemed very agitated.  "I just dropped them off at the diner by Philips apartment !" he yelled. "What's the matter?" I asked. "What's the matter? What's the matter?" he was yelling. I looked around my office to see if anyone could hear him, but of course they couldn't. I calmly asked "what happened? Why did you drop them off? I thought you were all going to a restaurant?" "Ma, ma" he repeated, " you would not believe what my day was like."  "First, we're in church and I'm looking around and a few people had some tears in their eyes and all of a sudden Lauren starts crying; I mean really crying!! then  the crying turned into wailing! I mean she was wailing mom! I didn't know how to stop her!" he's yelling. The mass finally ended and they drove on to the cemetery.  Raymond explained they didn't stop to eat anything and they had to wait at the cemetery for  quite some time.  Philip did not eat breakfast and  Lauren is always hungry to begin with. Raymond,  is not accustomed to being the one handling her; I am. " Everyone was given the obligatory carnation to place on the casket for their final farewell to Mrs. Nawrocki,"  Raymond explained.  Raymond turned to Lauren and Philip and told them he was taking them to the diner so they could get something to eat. Raymond was saying to me on the phone" Maa, exaggerated,  her and Philip  ran to the casket and threw  the carnations on the casket and started running from the cemetery and yelling at everyone around them "bye"... "bye"... and quickly ran to Raymond's car as he and Tricia stood with their mouths open watching them get into the car." "I am never taking her to another funeral" he promised. I on the other hand, I was laughing so hard I was crying.