Kicked Out Of
Friendly's
By Kourtney Donohue
We
got a booth in the back of Friendly's Ice Cream restaurant. The waitress
was visibly irritated that she was serving five loud, giggly, pre-teenage girls
ice cream sundaes that were bigger than their heads. As we began to
inhale our chocolate fudge smothered sundaes, Kristie, my sister, was reminded
of something she recently heard, "Someone told me that chocolate and
cocaine come from the same plant." Lauren, our first cousin, stopped
eating her sundae, stared wide eyed across the table at Kristie and demanded to
know more, "Kristie am I eating cocaine right now? Am I
Kristie? I'm eating cocaine?!?!" Kristie realized what she'd
done and began to stutter "uhh well, but it's-- no Lau, it's not the
sa--"
Lauren
interjected before she could finish, "Kristie tell me the truth, am I
eating cocaine?" Kristie said "No Lau!" but she giggled
nervously. I attempted to answer too, but I also began to giggle
nervously. Lauren continued to panic and she thought we were mocking her
because we couldn't stop laughing, "Oh my God I'm on cocaine! You
gave me cocaine! I'm on cocaaaaaaaaaaine!?!?" Lauren slammed
both hands on the table rocking back and forth screaming at the top of her
lungs "OH MY GOD I'M ON COCAINE!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON
COCAINE!!!!!" We tried to stop her, "Lauren no you're not!
shhhhhh! You are not on coca--". I couldn't say it with a straight face, I
couldn't control the nervous giggle. People were looking at us. We
were worried the waitress was going to come over. Lauren wouldn't listen
to us. She wouldn't calm down. She panicked even more. She
would not stop screaming. She finally stood up from the table and she screamed
out to the restaurant that -oh my god, she was on cocaine! I saw the
waitress heading over to us. We jumped up and shuffled Lauren toward the
bathroom, dodging the waitress as she stomped over to address the big scene we
made. Lauren ran ahead of me into the bathroom, slammed the door and
locked it before I could slip in with her. She refused to let us
in. We were all banging on the door, "Lauren please let us
in." "Open the door." "You are NOT on
cocaine." All we could hear was Lauren wailing from the inside,
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GAVE ME COCAINE!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON
COCAINE!!!!"
The
waitress came up behind us at the bathroom door and demanded to know what was
going on. I said, "Please give me a chance to talk to her. You
don't understand". But I didn't know how to make her understand
Lauren. Lauren has a lot of fear. She often overreacts. Ok
I'm exaggerating, she always overreacts. She interprets things kind of
like Amelia Bedilia, the maid from those children's books - she often
takes things literally. One time she read in a Cosmo magazine that
dark eyelashes accentuate the eyes, so she plucked out all her blonde
eyelashes, even though most of them were blonde! And she is very in touch
with her how she feels, whether it's good or bad feelings. She is honest
about those feelings, which is unlike most people. Everyone in the family
knows this. That's why when Aunt Janine was getting ready to go to her
20th high school reunion and didn't believe us that she looked great she said,
"I want Lauren's opinion". Lauren said, "You look hot Aunt
Janine!". Aunt Jan persisted, "But does this outfit make me
look fat?". Lauren looked her up and down and said, "No way!
Well hold on, turn this way, ok maybe a little bit from this angle but other
than that you look fabulous Aunt Janine! You look fabulous!". We
spent the next hour convincing Aunt Jan to go to the reunion. Everyone
trusts Lauren's opinion. Everyone loves her honesty (most of the time)
and her unique enthusiasm for life. But when she freaks out - she freaks
out. And not too many people understand it. But who really
understands someone else's perspective? And how can anyone really explain
another's perspective? That is why we share stories, feelings,
thoughts...so that we can get a little glimpse into the perspective of
others. But at the time - there was just no explaining Lauren's
perspective to the Friendly's waitress.
The
waitress refused to listen to me, "You all need to leave" she
ordered. I pleaded, "No please, you don't understand, she is not on
cocaine". The waitress said, "Well it sure seems like she
is!" It didn't help that Lauren was screaming from behind the locked
door that she was indeed, on cocaine. I told the waitress that we have to
calm her down to get her out. Finally she let us do this and Lauren
agreed to open the door a crack, but wouldn't come out. I whispered to
Lauren through the crack of the door, "Lau, the waitress is kicking us out
of here. Please tell her that you're not on cocaine." Lauren
opened the door a little more, looked at the waitress with tears in her eyes
and cried, "YES I AAAAAAAMMMM! I'M ON COCAINE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON
COCAINE! OH MY GOOOOOOD!"
"That's
it you're all out of here!" the waitress said, she was raising her voice
and going to get a manager. This was our opportunity, we pushed our way
into the bathroom and drilled it into Lauren that she was not on cocaine, and
eventually, she began to calm down. We said, "Lauren we all ate the
chocolate, we've been eating it our whole lives, we are not on
cocaine." She looked at us with softer eyes, "I'm not on
cocaine? You promise Kourtney?!" "Yes Lau, you're not on
cocaine." She then howled her iconic loud Lauren laugh
"AAAAAghgghhhhhahahaaahahahaha. I can't believe I thought I was on
cocaine! Aaaahahahaahahahahaahah" Mouth wide open, head thrown
back, out of breath rocking laughter. That's the Lauren we knew was in
there. Always able to laugh at herself. Always keeping us
laughing. The waitress still didn't believe us, we tried to get her to
let us finish our ice cream but she wasn't having it. We were kicked out
of Friendly's.
Outside we sat in the parking lot waiting for one of our parents to pick us up. Lauren
knew she wasn't on cocaine. We were all angry. Not at Lauren or the situation,
but because the waitress didn't even let us finish our ice cream. Worst of all;
how dare she accuse our cousin of being on cocaine!
